Oops, I did it again. I made my daughter feel bad about something she shouldn't feel bad about. My weight. She's a fan of Biggest Loser as are about 300 of my closest associates and friends. I've watched it, but I liked it a lot more two years ago right after I'd lost 30 pounds. Now that those pounds have found me again, the show is not my favorite and I get defensive when anyone a) watches it, b) talks about it, c) finds inspiration in it, and d) wonders why I can't just hunker down and lose the extra 80 pounds that are tearing my seams and my self-confidence apart.
To be fair, the people I know only do a, b, and c. But I suspect them of d. I mean, I wonder why I can't do it. Eat less, move more. It's an easy solution when you break it down. True, the contestants on Biggest Loser have a support system like no other, but I have everything I need. Meanwhile my daughter is quite sure that my weight is going to cause health problems that will shorten my life. She's probably right, but not many of us are motivated by what may happen some day. No one in the world would smoke if they could see future lung cancer or emphesema in a crystal ball (or a hazy ball as the case might be). The odds are pretty overwhelming that I will have weight related issues--I already do, but that likelihood doesn't seem to keep me from eating four extra cookies.
Have I mentioned that I eat too much of certain kinds of foods at specific times? Actually, I could come up with all of the usual excuses: slow metabolism, carbohydrate addiction, my mother's hips, my father's height, too much stress at work, too much stress at home. And exercise? I have a little sign on my desk that sums it up pretty well: I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. Also, I run late all the time. Does that count?
Here are some other pithy little sayings some of my dear, if rare, readers may enjoy:
*The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
*Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
*The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. (Joan Rivers)
*I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm
going to use up mine running up and down a street. (Neil Armstrong on jogging)
*I might as well exercise - I'm in a bad mood anyway!
*I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
*I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. (Carol Leifer)
*Jogging is good for your heart, but it makes your feet mad!
*Running is very good for you, if you don't overdo it. You should stop when you know
your body can't take it. For instance, I stopped running when I was eight.
*People who exercise regularly are prepared for pain. Take joggers: you see them
To be fair, the people I know only do a, b, and c. But I suspect them of d. I mean, I wonder why I can't do it. Eat less, move more. It's an easy solution when you break it down. True, the contestants on Biggest Loser have a support system like no other, but I have everything I need. Meanwhile my daughter is quite sure that my weight is going to cause health problems that will shorten my life. She's probably right, but not many of us are motivated by what may happen some day. No one in the world would smoke if they could see future lung cancer or emphesema in a crystal ball (or a hazy ball as the case might be). The odds are pretty overwhelming that I will have weight related issues--I already do, but that likelihood doesn't seem to keep me from eating four extra cookies.
Have I mentioned that I eat too much of certain kinds of foods at specific times? Actually, I could come up with all of the usual excuses: slow metabolism, carbohydrate addiction, my mother's hips, my father's height, too much stress at work, too much stress at home. And exercise? I have a little sign on my desk that sums it up pretty well: I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. Also, I run late all the time. Does that count?
Here are some other pithy little sayings some of my dear, if rare, readers may enjoy:
*The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
*Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
*The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. (Joan Rivers)
*I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm
going to use up mine running up and down a street. (Neil Armstrong on jogging)
*I might as well exercise - I'm in a bad mood anyway!
*I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
*I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. (Carol Leifer)
*Jogging is good for your heart, but it makes your feet mad!
*Running is very good for you, if you don't overdo it. You should stop when you know
your body can't take it. For instance, I stopped running when I was eight.
*People who exercise regularly are prepared for pain. Take joggers: you see them
plodding along, clearly hating every minute of it, and you think, "What's the point?" But
years from now, when you're struggling to adjust to the pains of the aging process, the
joggers, who have been in constant agony for 20 years, will be able to make the
transition smoothly, unless they're already dead. (Dave Barry)
*The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for
it, it's too far to walk back. (Franklin Jones)
Now for the moment of truth. Since starting this entry, I have spent 6 weeks following a protein shake diet my son suggested. I have lost 15 pounds (re-lost, so I'm not thrilled yet, but when I've lost another 5 or 10, I will start losing weight I gained 15 years ago and that will be cool). I have been riding my bike, putting 10,000 steps on my little pink pedometer, and I feel pretty good overall. I've thrown away the voodoo doll I made of my son after he yelled at me for eating watermelon ("I did not yell at you Mom; I just told you not to eat fruit in the morning or your body would burn those carbohydrates and not the stored fat on your body.") and called to thank him when I put on a previously tight dress.
Let me just say this to those of you who are naturally thin and who enjoy exercising as much as I enjoy reading: Sometimes I don't like you very much.
years from now, when you're struggling to adjust to the pains of the aging process, the
joggers, who have been in constant agony for 20 years, will be able to make the
transition smoothly, unless they're already dead. (Dave Barry)
*The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for
it, it's too far to walk back. (Franklin Jones)
Now for the moment of truth. Since starting this entry, I have spent 6 weeks following a protein shake diet my son suggested. I have lost 15 pounds (re-lost, so I'm not thrilled yet, but when I've lost another 5 or 10, I will start losing weight I gained 15 years ago and that will be cool). I have been riding my bike, putting 10,000 steps on my little pink pedometer, and I feel pretty good overall. I've thrown away the voodoo doll I made of my son after he yelled at me for eating watermelon ("I did not yell at you Mom; I just told you not to eat fruit in the morning or your body would burn those carbohydrates and not the stored fat on your body.") and called to thank him when I put on a previously tight dress.
Let me just say this to those of you who are naturally thin and who enjoy exercising as much as I enjoy reading: Sometimes I don't like you very much.
2 comments:
You can make a great essay out of anything! I wish I had sound clips from that guy that shows up in 90% of Adam Sandler's films saying "You can do it!" ;)
Just keep reminding me that you could easily be hit by a bus any day of the week, that helps :)
I love you lots!
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